To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
