found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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