Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
