Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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