And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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