he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
