just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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