I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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