he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
