I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have already put on my inside pants.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
