Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
