i can't believe i had my finger in that
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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