Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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