I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
