Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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