You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
