Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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