I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
