She is in my trunk
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
