new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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