Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
