I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
