Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize