just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
