no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
