Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
