Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
