you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
