I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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