If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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