All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
