I wanna bring you to show and tell
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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