Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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