you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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