Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
