"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
