Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
