New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
