Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
