Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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