drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
