Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
