my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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