Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
