We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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