That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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