How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
