So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didn't notice because vodka
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
