He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
did i walk over a car last night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
