i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
