no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
