he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
