I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
