yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I AM VODKA MAN
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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