One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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