I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
