I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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