it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
