Grow some girl-balls and come out already
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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