literally had 100 drinks last night.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
