Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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