oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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