btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
