My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize