I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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