$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
