woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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