Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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