at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
