I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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