The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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