I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
cat food counts as protein by the way
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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