We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize