I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
