Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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