Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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