my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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