he thought i was a dude.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
