ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize